Narcissism as a Frozen Moment of Parallel Identities
Vladimir Nemet
Abstract
This paper argues that in the phenomenon known as narcissism the dynamic exchange of parallel identities—“I” and “Thou”—is fixed, frozen in time. A mature psyche can tolerate the shifting rhythm between “I” and “Thou” in a way that sustains vitality and aliveness. Narcissism, however, halts this process by repressing the experience of the Other, seeking to protect the grandiose self from fragmentation. Yet by repressing the “Thou,” it does not disappear; instead, it becomes a cold mirror, positioned outside the inner space, seeing only a surface image rather than a living being. In contrast, bipolar disorder is characterized by the complete denial of Otherness. As Freud observed, the Other inevitably returns, but through affective extremes that the subject cannot control. In both cases, the therapeutic experience of anger enables the client to endure fragmentation and to accept the Other as a living, inner presence. Thus, the exchange of “I” and “Thou” is restored, creating space for healing.
Keywords: narcissism, parallel identities, bipolar disorder, fragmentation, I-Thou relationship, psychoanalysis
1. Introduction: Narcissism, Bipolar Disorder, and the Problem of Otherness
Narcissism is often described as a lack of empathy or a dependency on external validation, but within the theory of parallel identities, it is understood as a state in which Otherness is repressed to protect the grandiose “I.” The Other must not exist as a living presence within the psyche, as this would disrupt the illusion of the self’s wholeness and unity.
Conversely, bipolar disorder is characterized by the denial of Otherness. The subject fully negates the existence of the Other, yet as Freud (1915) noted, such denial cannot be maintained indefinitely. Otherness returns repeatedly, often in the form of intense affective outbursts, depressive collapses, or manic expansions that overwhelm the subject.
2. Parallel Identities as the Foundation of Vitality
In the theory of parallel identities, the subject is not a static point but a fluid process of continuous alternation between the perspectives of “I” and “Thou.” At one moment, the subject observes, while in the next, he become the object of observation—for example, the client becomes the object while the analyst is the subject. In the following moment, the roles reverse: the client becomes the subject, and the analyst the object. This exchange of perspectives forms the basis of relational experience, opening space for vitality, creativity, and authenticity.
These two roles—observer and observed, subject and object—exist in a tense, deeply paradoxical relationship. They continually deconstruct and fragment one another, creating momentary cracks in the experience of wholeness. Yet within this fragmentation lies the potential for growth and transformation. A mature psyche can not only tolerate such fragmentation but also allows Otherness, as an independent inner presence, to exist and endure. Maintaining the flow of “I” and “Thou” becomes the foundation of psychological maturity and integration.
In narcissism, this rhythm of exchange is disrupted, as the fear of fragmentation leads to the rigid preservation of the grandiose self. In bipolar disorder, the repressed or denied “Thou” inevitably erupts in affective extremes that the subject cannot integrate.
3. Narcissism as a Frozen Moment of Exchange
In narcissism, the subject is trapped in the belief that the “I” is perfectly whole and unquestionable. The experience of “Thou” is repressed, as its living presence would shatter the illusion of the grandiose self, leading to fragmentation. However, “Thou” does not disappear completely; it persists as a mirror—yet not as a conversational partner within the inner world, but as a distant, cold reflection. This mirror stands outside the real encounter, seeing only a distorted image, like a soulless shadow, stripped of its own intentions and affects.
Metaphorically, we can imagine a glass wall separating two worlds: on one side stands the grandiose “I,” staring at its reflections without the possibility of encountering another living being. Though functional, this mirror becomes an obstacle—a barrier preventing true dialogue and exchange. The Other is no longer a subject within the inner space but a projection’s reflection, lacking life and authenticity. This cold reflection confirms only what the “I” wishes to see, not what truly is.
This frozen dynamic of parallel identities halts the flow of “I” and “Thou” and locks the subject within the fortress of their illusion, where any attempt at a living encounter threatens the fragile grandiose self with disintegration.
4. The Role of Anger and Fragmentation in Therapy
When the “Thou” appears as a living inner presence, a significant shift occurs in the person with narcissism. The grandiose self fragments, often evoking narcissistic injury—anger. Within the theory of parallel identities, this anger is a sign of vitality and the beginning of healing. It marks the moment when the Other is experienced as independent and real, no longer merely a cold mirror.
Instead of avoiding fragmentation, allowing oneself to feel anger enables the subject to experience their vitality. Fragmentation then becomes a path to growth rather than collapse, restoring the alternation between “I” and “Thou.” Anger opens a space where the world and the Other are once again allowed to exist.
5. Clinical Vignette: Anger as the Entry of the Other
A client who has long perceived the analyst as a lifeless mirror becomes angry upon learning that the analyst is taking a vacation: “How can you leave me now, when I need you the most?” This anger is not merely an accusation; it marks the beginning of profound change. You is born.
The analyst’s departure reveals his independent existence, which the client perceives as real for the first time. The analyst is no longer just a reflection or a function but a living “Thou” existing outside the client’s control. This realization induces fragmentation and pain, but within the therapeutic space, it becomes an opportunity for healing.
The analyst remains present and does not withdraw in the face of the client’s anger. In doing so, the analyst allows the client to feel that Otherness does not destroy but enriches their inner world. The client now permits the analyst to enter their inner space, not as a mirror, but as a living Other. Anger becomes the moment that restores the dynamic of parallel identities, allowing “I” and “Thou” to re-establish the rhythm of life.
Humor can be seen as a socially accepted, fully neutralized form of anger, allowing the tension of thwarted grandiosity to find expression without disrupting relational bonds. As Kohut writes in The Restoration of the Self: “Humor is a means by which the individual acknowledges the limitations of the grandiose self and accepts the imperfections of the self and of reality without feeling defeated by them.”
6. Conclusion: Accepting Otherness as a Condition for Healing
Narcissism is a frozen moment within the dynamic of parallel identities, repressing Otherness to protect the grandiose “I.” Therapy becomes the space where the subject learns to endure Otherness and fragmentation through the experience of anger. In this way, the exchange between “I” and “Thou” is restored.
If narcissism is the fear of the Other, and bipolar disorder the attempt to deny it, then healing lies in accepting Otherness as the precondition for one’s own vitality. Embracing fragmentation and encountering the Other restores authenticity and a life unafraid of growth.
References:
- Freud, S. (1915). Instincts and Their Vicissitudes.
- Kohut, H. (1971). The Analysis of the Self. New York: International Universities Press.
- Stolorow, R. D., & Atwood, G. E. (1992). Contexts of Being: The Intersubjective Foundations of Psychological Life. Hillsdale: The Analytic Press.
- Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment. London: Hogarth Press.
- Nemet, V. (2025). The Theory of Parallel Identities and Fragmentation of the I-Thou Relationship. Zagreb: In preparation.
