Trauma as a Disruption of the Exchange of Parallel Identities: Theoretical Approach and Clinical Illustration
Vladimir Nemet
Abstract
This paper explores trauma as a disruption in the exchange of parallel identities “I” and “Thou,” the fundamental dynamic enabling the experience of connection and cohesion of the self. Trauma arises as a rupture in space and time, shattering the relationship with the Other whose presence allows the integration of pain into the self-narrative.
Through the clinical vignette of Ivana, the consequences of trauma are shown as identity fragmentation, development of anxiety and depressive symptoms, and withdrawal from relationships. Psychological disorders are analyzed as defense mechanisms by which the “I” attempts to survive in a world without a confirming Otherness. The paper emphasizes that therapy must not be reduced to symptom removal but must encompass the reestablishment of the rhythm of exchange between “I” and “Thou,” whereby the wound is seen and fragmented parts of the self reintegrated into wholeness. This enables the return of vitality and life as well as the restoration of the relationship with the Other.
Keywords
trauma, parallel identities, I–Thou, Kohut, Winnicott, psychological disorders, fragmentation, therapy, Otherness
What is Trauma?
Trauma is a rupture in the fabric of space and time. More precisely, it is a rupture between Thou and I—for it is precisely this relationship that creates space and time and shapes our world. Trauma is an ineffable disappointment in the Other, a disappointment that cannot find words because there is no one to hear them.
At that moment, trust in the world as a place of encounter and safety shatters; space turns into a void or silent threat, and time freezes in a suspended moment that refuses to pass. It is the sudden realization that the world does not care for us, that we are utterly alone, that there is no one who cares. Trauma is the death of Otherness.
Trauma exceeds the individual’s capacity to process, shape, and situate it within familiar frameworks of meaning and relations (Stolorow & Atwood, 1992). In that moment, the person is left without a present Other, without a witness whose gaze and word could ease the burden of pain and give it form (Winnicott, 1965). Without this tender presence, trauma remains elusive, leaving a “point of pain” that tears through body, memory, and the self-narrative. Trauma is the experience of cosmic loneliness.
Trauma can be the loss of a loved one, a separation, illness, encounter with death, or a traffic accident—anything that mercilessly confronts us with the unbearable truth that the world does not care about us. It is not merely a passing event; it is the way experience remains misunderstood and disconnected in the depths of the psyche, breaking the thread of our being and presence. Trauma is the loss of connection with the world, a break in the rhythm of exchanged gazes and recognition.
Clinical Vignette: Ivana
Ivana was 32 years old when she first came to therapy. She was of medium height, with a gentle yet worried gaze, her eyes hiding a deep sorrow she could not express in words. Her voice was soft and often broken, as if carrying the weight of unspoken pains silently suffocating her from within. Occasionally, she would glance downward, then manage to utter just a few words, each time seemingly struggling with herself to express what remained trapped deep inside.
She recalled the morning she called her mother on the phone. Instead of the warm, familiar voice, she heard only a quiet, impenetrable silence that echoed like a cold wave through her entire body, the mother was dead. That moment was like the snapping of an invisible thread that connected her world with a sense of safety and belonging. She felt the ground beneath her feet collapse, and life suddenly lost its familiar rhythm.
After that day, everything changed. Her days became foggy and unclear, as if the colors of reality had faded, and light was replaced by the shadow of insomnia and unrest. The space around her lost its boundaries; the apartment where she lived felt simultaneously vast and cold, yet also like a prison with no exit. The couch where her mother once sat was now cold and empty, a memento of something gone forever. Time seemed frozen—days merged into an unending darkness in which Ivana wandered like a ship without a compass.
Her relationships with people fundamentally changed. Ivana felt that no one understood her anymore; people became strangers living in a parallel universe she could not reach. Between her and others rose an invisible, glass wall of silence she could not break, separating her from the warmth and closeness she once knew. She felt isolated and alone, a prisoner of her own pain and the world’s misunderstanding. In interpersonal relationships, she became indecisive and withdrawn—every desire for closeness carried the fear of repeated abandonment, so she often built defensive walls for herself, avoiding intimacy. Her statement “I am alone” was not just words, but a silent, nearly voiceless prayer for understanding and for an Other who would truly see and hear her.
In this deep rupture, in the silence without words, Ivana developed psychological defenses attempting to patch the void within herself. Yet only the presence of an Other, with understanding and support, can gradually begin the healing process of this deep wound.
Consequences of Trauma
For Ivana, the disruption of the dynamic exchange of parallel identities—the harmonious interchange of “I” and “Thou”—occurred at the moment of deepest loss. That morning when she called her mother and was met only by cold silence, her world shattered in two. At the moment she needed “Thou”—the Other who is present and compassionate—that “Thou” suddenly vanished.
That absence was not merely a void in space and time but a rupture in the very fabric of her inner world. The “I” remained trapped in a cold, unfamiliar space, without the echo of the Other. Without the possibility of meeting “Thou,” Ivana found herself alone, imprisoned in the silence of misunderstanding and isolation.
Her relationships with others became like a parallel universe—unreachable, separated by an invisible glass wall. That wall of misunderstanding deepened her loneliness, leaving her captive to her own pain.
The psychological defenses she developed—anxiety, depression, and avoidance of intimacy—were not just symptoms but survival mechanisms. They were her silent sentinels, attempts to preserve what little remaining stability she had and to stop further fragmentation of her being.
Although limiting, these defenses provided Ivana with a temporary shield in a world that became unpredictable and cold. They were her way to maintain at least an illusion of control and connection with herself and the world.
Because of all this, the dynamic of her “I–Thou” remained frozen, preventing the return of the natural flow of life and relationships. “I” and “Thou” remained separated, imprisoned in a silence that hinders the reestablishment of authentic encounter—the dialogue that is the foundation of true connection and inner harmony.
Psychological Disorders as Defenses Against the Loss of Otherness
Trauma and the loss of Otherness leave a deep void in the psychic space of the individual. Without a present Other to enable mirroring and affirmation, the “I” becomes insecure, vulnerable, and prone to fragmentation. It is precisely in this void that various psychological disorders arise, which—though often perceived as symptoms of illness—actually represent sophisticated defenses: attempts to preserve at least the illusion of security and connection with oneself and the world.
Some of the most common disorders viewed through this lens include:
- Anxiety Disorder – arises as a response to feelings of threat and loss of security. At its core, anxiety reflects a deep fear of annihilation and disappearance, because without an Other who sees, affirms, and holds the “I” in existence, the subject is left to face a void where the sense of boundaries and safety collapses.
- Depression – can be understood as a wound caused by the loss of Otherness, where the absence of a witness affirming the value and existence of the “I” leads to withdrawal, loss of energy, and hope. Depression becomes a way for the subject to protect themselves from further disappointment, but at the cost of surrendering the flow of life in a world where there is no Other who sees.
- Avoidant Personality Disorder – manifests as fear of emotional connection and openness toward others because past experiences of Otherness were unreliable or absent. At its core lies the fear of repeated loss of the witness and reentering the void where the “I” remains unseen and unrecognized.
- Personality Disorders (e.g., Borderline Personality Disorder) – involve intense fears of abandonment and deep insecurity in identity because the exchange of perspectives between “I” and “Thou” was interrupted or unstable. In this space, the subject searches for an Other to confirm their existence while simultaneously fearing the renewed loss of the witness that could make them whole.
- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) – develops as a consequence of trauma that shattered the natural dynamic between subject and Other. Symptoms such as re-experiencing and emotional numbing can be seen as attempts to preserve the remnants of the psychic structure when the world became a place without a witness, and the subject was left alone facing the threat of inner disappearance.
- Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) – is linked to a need for control in a world experienced as chaotic and unreliable. Through rituals and repetitions, the subject tries to create an illusion of permanence and continuity where there is no Other providing affirmation and stability, thus attempting to stave off anxiety related to the threat of internal disintegration and disappearance.
All these disorders bear the trace of lost Otherness and mirroring. They are not merely “problems” to be removed but voices of the wound, calls for understanding, and reestablishing contact with oneself and the Other.
Common Goal of Psychological Disorders as Defenses Against Loss of Otherness
Although psychological disorders manifest in different forms and symptoms, their fundamental goal in the context of trauma and loss of Otherness remains the same: preserving the integrity of the “I” in a world without a witnessing Other who sees, affirms, and sustains the subject’s existence.
In the absence of an Other who mirrors and confirms, the “I” becomes vulnerable and insecure, exposed to the fear of internal disappearance and annihilation. Psychological disorders emerge as defense mechanisms through which the individual attempts to:
- Halt further fragmentation of identity — trauma interrupts the natural exchange of perspectives between “I” and “Thou,” depriving the subject of the witnessing that keeps their existence coherent. Defenses act as temporary barriers preventing the collapse of the inner world.
- Patch the void left by the loss of Otherness — without an Other who sees, the subject remains in an emptiness devoid of affirmation. Defenses through control, withdrawal, rituals, or emotional outbursts attempt to compensate for that void to sustain a sense of existence.
- Maintain the illusion of security and control — in a world perceived as cold and unreliable, defensive mechanisms offer an illusion of stability that allows the “I” to endure daily life, albeit at the cost of freedom and spontaneity.
- Prevent painful re-encounter with loss and abandonment — various behavioral patterns and inner mechanisms protect the subject from new experiences of abandonment that would confirm the absence of a witness, thereby triggering the fear of internal death and emptiness anew.
In other words, psychological disorders are not merely signs of suffering but complex attempts for the “I” to maintain continuity of existence in a world without an Other who sees. They testify to the deep human need for presence and affirmation, for a witness who enables the sense of existence through encounter.
The common denominator of all trauma-related disorders is the disruption of the exchange of perspectives between “I” and “Thou” and fragmentation of the psyche into parallel, disconnected identities (Kohut, 1977). In this divide, the “I” is left without the echo of Otherness that would confirm, soothe, and sustain it alive.
Therapy, therefore, is not only symptom removal but the restoration of the lost rhythm of exchange between “I” and “Thou.” It is the reestablishment of the experience that there is a witness—Otherness that sees, hears, and cares. Only then does the wound become visible, pain shared, and dispersed fragments slowly rejoin into wholeness (Winnicott, 1965; Tronick, 2007).
Conclusion
Trauma, in its essence, is a disruption of the vital exchange between “I” and “Thou,” a rupture in the fabric of space, time, and relationship that enables the continuity of the self. The loss of Otherness fragments identity, and psychological disorders are not mere symptoms of pathology but sophisticated attempts to preserve a minimum of integrity and connection with the world in conditions of loneliness and pain.
Therapeutic work cannot be reduced to symptom removal but requires restoring the rhythm of “I” and “Thou” exchange, creating a safe space where the wound can be seen, and pain shared. Through presence, empathy, and witnessing by the Other, the person gradually rebuilds the sense of self-cohesion, reestablishes contact with the world, and regains lost vitality. In this sense, every trauma calls not only for healing but also for the renewal of relationship as the fundamental form of human existence.
References
Kohut, H. (1977). The Restoration of the Self. New York: International Universities Press.
Stolorow, R. D., & Atwood, G. E. (1992). Contexts of Being: The Intersubjective Foundations of Psychological Life. Hillsdale, NJ: Analytic Press.
Tronick, E. (2007). The Neurobehavioral and Social-Emotional Development of Infants and Children. New York: W. W. Norton.
Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment. London: Hogarth Press.
