The New Psychoanalysis as a Path to Otherness
Vladimir Nemet
“Since ‘the society’ has no future, it makes sense to live only for the moment, to fix our eyes on our own ‘private performance,’ to become connoisseurs of our own decadence, to cultivate a ‘transcendental self-attention.’” (Lasch, 1979)
Abstract
This text explores the phenomenon of parallel identities in contemporary psychoanalysis and the role of the experience of Otherness in the client’s psychological growth. It highlights how resistance to Otherness arises from multilayered existential, narcissistic, and affective factors and how a therapist can gradually reduce it through empathic presence, predictability, and tolerance of uncertainty. The so-called safe environment is necessary but not sufficient; profound transformation requires the analyst’s ability to relinquish their own “I” and become a client. Only then does the experience of Otherness become possible, liberating, and transformative, allowing the client to simultaneously experience both the “I” and the “You.”
Introduction
Every client comes to therapy driven by the hope of finally resolving their problems and suffering. In the initial phase, they cannot yet sense the true source of that suffering. Only over time—and through layers of resistance—does it become clear that behind the symptoms and inner crises lies a void: a lack of an inner core of personality (Kohut, 1977).
There is an absence of a center that could connect scattered fragments into a living whole. And this center is neither ego strength nor victory over conflict—it is the experience of Otherness (Levinas, 1969). It is the recognition that in the universe there exists a being that is not the “I,” yet is equally authentic, equally important, and equally alive.
When this recognition is absent, the identity remains isolated, deprived of a mirror in which it might find affirmation (Stolorow, Atwood, & Orange, 2002). Without the Other, our thoughts, feelings, and actions lose resonance and remain trapped within our own circle. Only through encounter with the Other does the “I” begin to breathe, expand, and realize its full potential. The problem ceases to be experienced as an inevitable fate and becomes a path to discovering inner flexibility and life vitality.
Search for the Other
Therefore, contemporary psychoanalysis is no longer the pursuit of hidden drives nor a practice in strengthening the ego. In a time when everything revolves around the self, therapy can be nothing other than the search for the Other (Lasch, 1979). Contemporary psychoanalysis should be a space in which the client finally experiences the Other—perhaps for the first time in their life—in all its distinctness and significance.
This recognition, that in each of us two perspectives coexist simultaneously—the “I” and the “You”—forms the foundation of what I call the theory of parallel identities.
But why is the initiation of the experience of Otherness in therapy so difficult and prolonged? Undoubtedly, it is extremely challenging for the client—as it is for all of us—to relinquish their own “I” to make room for the Other. Yet, only when we momentarily give up ourselves and become the Other do we discover its full authenticity and vitality.
1. Denial of Otherness
One of the regular challenges in therapeutic work with parallel identities is the client’s resistance to surrendering to the experience of Otherness. Based on previous disappointments and traumas, the client often believes that giving up their own “I,” even temporarily, means a total loss of identity. For many, this step is almost unbearable, as the “I” is not only the subjective sense of one’s own individuality but also a bastion of security, control, and predictability (Winnicott, 1965).
This resistance to Otherness is usually multilayered:
- Existential layer – A strong “I” provides a sense of stability and recognizability in the world. Surrendering to Otherness means risking a loss of control and security of one’s own identity—a feeling that we are losing what defines us.
- Narcissistic layer – Personal value is often tied to a sense of power—the ability of the “I” to dominate experience and influence others. Opening up to Otherness can threaten the perception of one’s own importance and provoke an inner conflict between the desire for connection and the fear of losing control (Kohut, 1977).
- Affective layer – Emotional security is not easily entrusted to the Other. The client fears that by giving up the “I,” they will lose the protection of their own feelings and expose themselves to vulnerability, confronting the unknown and the uncertain.
These three layers together create a strong resistance, making the encounter with the Other a challenging and prolonged process of discovery—a process requiring patience, courage, and gradual learning to surrender and trust in the presence of the Other.
2. Therapeutic Framework for the Experience of Otherness
To reduce resistance and allow the client to feel sufficiently safe to surrender to the experience of Otherness, the therapeutic framework must meet several key conditions:
- Empathic presence of the therapist – The therapist must be deeply present and experienced as a reliable “safe haven.” This presence should not be merely verbal; it includes sensitivity to subtle emotional shifts and quiet, implicit cues, creating a sense that the client is seen and supported at all times (Stolorow et al., 2002).
- Predictability and consistency – A regular rhythm of sessions, clear conditions, and transparent rules help the client experience the risk of surrendering to Otherness as a controlled experiment, thereby reducing fear of losing control and enhancing a sense of security.
- Tolerance of uncertainty – The therapist demonstrates that it is possible to endure uncertainty and unpredictability. The client learns that temporarily giving way to the Other does not lead to catastrophe; the “I” remains intact even when it recedes, enabling safer exploration of new dynamics and opening space for the experience of Otherness (Benjamin, 2004).
- Gradual exposure – The client should not be forced to immediately “give up” their identity. Small, incremental experiences of parallel identity allow for the organic development of security and trust, permitting the client to gradually discover their capacity to be both “I” and “You.”
- Validation of the experience of Otherness – Every manifestation of Otherness should be recognized and accepted. In this way, the client experiences that the “You” is not a threat but an additional dimension of existence that enriches and expands their identity (Levinas, 1969).
3. Safe Environment and Beyond
From the previous chapter, we see that initiating the experience of Otherness requires a so-called safe environment. From the perspective of parallel identities, this means the client can temporarily relinquish their own identity and engage in an experience not entirely under their control—but only under carefully structured and predictable conditions. However, creating such conditions does not arise solely from external circumstances; these alone are insufficient.
Neither insight, method, nor technical knowledge can force the sense of Otherness into the light of day. The Other cannot be created, destroyed, or reconstructed; it can only be denied and repressed. It always exists, hidden, patiently waiting for the right moment. Only the encounter with someone who can and is willing to sacrifice themselves and become me can awaken the Other. The client is like a seed from an Egyptian tomb, lying dormant for thousands of years, waiting for fertile soil and a drop of water. When it finds them, it sprouts, giving rise to an unexpected and authentic life. Otherness is always present, quietly waiting to be experienced.
Parallel identities
In other words, deep and subtle transformation in the client can only be triggered by an analyst who understands the phenomenon of parallel identities—a therapist capable of relinquishing their own “I” and becoming, at least temporarily, a client.
This does not imply a loss of competence or authority. It means that the analyst has become aware of their own psychological resistances and relinquished any need for control or supervision. When the analyst succeeds in releasing their “I”-narcissism, they no longer stand outside the client, observing from a distance, but experience from within. They become the client. In this way, they create an authentic safe environment—not through verbal instructions or external conditions, but through their own experience of surrender and vulnerability.
This dynamic has several key implications:
- A safe environment arises from the therapist’s internal flexibility. The client feels secure not because everything is predictable, but because they see the analyst can tolerate uncertainty, tension, and resistance.
- Otherness requires reciprocal surrender. The client cannot spontaneously experience Otherness while the analyst has not surrendered their own “I.” Any rigidity in the therapist reflexively generates resistance in the client.
- Surrendering the analyst’s “I” is not merely a technical skill but an ethical and phenomenological imperative (Levinas, 1969). Only when the analyst relinquishes their identity can full encounter with Otherness occur, opening space for genuine emotional and psychological growth.
Conclusion
A so-called safe environment is necessary but not sufficient for initiating the experience of Otherness. Profound transformation in the client occurs only when the analyst understands the phenomenon of parallel identities—when they are able to relinquish their own “I” and, at least temporarily, become a client.
Through this authentic encounter, the “I” ceases to be isolated and closed. Space opens for flexibility, vitality, and genuine emotional depth. Paradoxically, surrendering one’s identity does not lead to loss but to its expansion—a moment in which the client first experiences that they can be both “I” and “You” simultaneously.
The new psychoanalysis thus becomes more than a technique or an analysis of internal conflicts—it is a path toward the experience of Otherness, toward an encounter with an authentic, living “You” that enriches the “I,” opens new dimensions of existence, and guides the client toward true psychological and emotional growth.
References
Benjamin, J. (2004). Beyond Doer and Done To: An intersubjective view of third-party conflict. Psychoanalytic Quarterly.
Lasch, C. (1979). The culture of narcissism: American life in an age of diminishing expectations. W. W. Norton & Company.
Kohut, H. (1977). The restoration of the self. New York: International Universities Press.
Levinas, E. (1969). Totality and infinity: An essay on exteriority. Pittsburgh: Duquesne University Press.
Stolorow, R. D., Atwood, G. E., & Orange, D. M. (2002). Contexts of being: The intersubjective foundations of psychological life. Hillsdale, NJ: Analytic Press.
Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The maturational processes and the facilitating environment. London: Hogarth Press.
